Lately I have been feeling amazing. Back to my former self. Before that I was going through major depression. I felt so hopeless and lost in my own internal conflict. I was waging a psychological war against myself, and I was scared I would lose.

Over the past few months I have been going through a lot of personal struggle for validation in my career, family issues, and family relations. My dad and I have gone through a period of estrangement and are no longer speaking. This is my own doing, but I have good reason. We have a very long history of emotional abuse, according to my Ph.D cousin..ish…lol (Wendy this means you). I agree. It has been horrible on my self-esteem and has caused me to crash and burn. I’m not sure if he realizes this or not, but I do care what he things of me and his constant berating and shaming took its tool. He made me feel not good enough, like I could never do anything great. I would just be Erin, the stupid, autistic , naïve young girl. I would never be a social justice activist with any merit, I would never graduate college, I would never accomplish anything. I am proving him wrong.

And it’s felt damn good. I am coming into my own. I am getting back into my art, I am starting to see myself as beautiful, I am becoming a Whole Person. I am enjoying reading and internet engagement again. I am in love, and happy in my relationship. I am proactive and productive. I am taking charge of my life. Part of this involves starting my own campaign/nonprofit, which I have always wanted to do but haven’t felt I had any good or original ideas. Now I’ve got 3J.

One is for an online community for slam poetry; one is a campaign around normalizing socialism and the other about animal rights. I am feeling so empowered and amazing. Empowerment is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It’s great. It’s beautiful. It’s made me, me. It makes me want to scream from the rooftops. It makes me want to do everything I can to make this world a more beautiful place, to be as beautiful as I feel inside.

I just wanted to share my true happiness. I want to remember this. I want to breathe it, I want it to be forever. And damn it, I will make sure it is.

I’ve noticed that there seems to be this double standard in society about clothing. If you are “thin” then you get a hell of a lot more choices about what you can wear than if you are “fat”. Ever notice that in magazines and in movies those that are heavier tend to wear more clothing: never in shorts, always tankini/one piece bathing suits, and are expected to be more covered up? This is because American culture teaches us to hate those that are fat. They are “lazy” or “sloppy” or even “stupid”. ERGGGGGGGGGG This makes me crazy!

Fat is a socially constructed idea. The reason that fat has so many negative connotations is because of how it is constructed. For example, if I said “You’re hair looks so chair” it wouldn’t make sense to you, because the idea/symbol of a chair is represented differently in your mind then in the context I am saying it in. Get it? Your idea of a chair comes from your language as well as your culture as it is referred to in a specific way. You will then pick up on this as a child, and come to use chair to mean a 4 legged furniture piece used for sitting. It is this reason that we all can use language coherently.

So this fat phobia as I like to call it is rampant…. in fact, young girls list being fat as their biggest fear and 1/2 of teenage girls would rather be hit by a bus than be fat. Do you see the obvious problem here?

That is why I made this video skit. I thought it would be fun to do something different than my normal YouTube videos, but have it include a positive message.

Hope you all like it!

I’m sure you all heard on Obama’s big announcement on Wednesday in his interview with Diane Sawyer that he supports same sex marriage! This is a HUGE victory towards progress and I couldn’t be happier! I myself like President Obama and find him to be refreshing. He is just a regular guy who worked hard and succeeded on his own accord, not because of his parents wealth or status in society *Mitt Romney COUGH COUGH*. The fact that he is now the first president to EVER vocally support gay marriage is just another reason to love him! Having the president speak out in support of a civil rights issue is always great for the cause and will hopefully spur some dialog and get people thinking .

He has, however, faced criticism believe it or not about this endorsement (and not just from a moral standpoint). Meghan McCain has said in a recent interview that he is not endorsing any legislation to back this point and was “forced into it” from political pressure. Actually Meghan, only 47% of Americans support gay marriage, meaning that 53% of people would disagree with his stance. This means that it was actually NOT the politically wise thing to do as he is seeking reelection. Sure, it gives him some cudos among the liberals, but he has already won over that crowd for the most part. As for the legislation, there are not currently any bills with promise (meaning any media coverage or chance they could pass) that support same sex marriage on the federal level. Also, interestingly enough, in his interview Obama said that he supported states rights on this issue. This would mean that he wouln’t back any federal legislation on this issue anyway, as he sees it not being an issue we should centralize. I do not agree with him on this point, as having all 50 states have their own policies makes for a political hot mess and doesn’t do a whole lot on the social change front. If you are unfortunate enough to be  living in Mississippi as a homosexual, then you are &#@*&*.

With all that being said it is a step in the right direction. Hopefully we can soon have equal marriage rights for all and this won’t even be an issue we need to fight about. Anyway, I’ll see you all soon .

I wish I could really explain how much I love you. The stars in the sky seem to bring you heart to mine, even when we are far apart. I cannot tell you how much I miss you, how often I think of you. How often you dance through my imagination.

You are my drug and I am addicted. To every word, every kiss, every touch. Everything you are is magic. I want you. Just you. Only you.

It’s ironic how my love for you turns into pain. Frustration consumes my soul and I break the bonds of my heart. I scream at you, for hating myself.

I feel in my heart how much you care. The warmth in your voice and the glimmer of mysticism in your eyes tells me that. It gets me every time.

I want you all the time. All day, and all night. I want to wake next to you, feeling your motionless body against mine, I want to walk the streets with you, your warm palm clasping mine. I want to spend the night with you, our bodies entwined in passion beyond explanation.

And I do. You are beside me, always. Not a moment goes by that you aren’t present. That you aren’t laughing at my jokes, or smiling at my wit. Because you are in my heart, and for this reason I have you forever.

Hey thinkers! Today, I wanted to share with you a really interesting YouTube video created by Brittany Simon. She talks about the possible parallel of the make up of the Universe and human brains. The question she explores is weather the Universe is God’s brain, since it looks largely the same as a human brain, only on a larger scale. I found it to be quite thought provoking and hope you do as well.

Here’s my answer:

I think that it is an interesting possibility to be considered, although I wouldn’t consider it possible. I think the Universe collectively is what is “God”. I guess you could call me somewhat of a pantheist. What do you think?

I’ll see you Friday!